Breaking Chloe Beale
by introvertedmisanthrope
Summary: Chloe was a believer in love but she was never one to settle down or go beyond anything more than a hook up. And out of all the people she thought she'd eventually fall in love with, she never would have guessed she'd fall for the one person who didn't love her back. Originally 'It Almost Feels Like A Joke' but this title seems better suited for the fic.
1. Chapter 1

AN. Based on the song Starring Role by Marina and the Diamonds. Prompted by Erica (silybiknow). Also total smut fest and a lot of angst.

* * *

Teeth scrape along Chloe's collarbone before harshly sucking down on it. She pants, her hands gripping brown hair, keeping her there. Clumsy hands find their way to her tits, kneading them, rolling the hardened buds between deft fingers. Lips leave her collarbone and kiss every inch of skin until they reach a nipple, which they bite playfully. Chloe moans and arches her chest towards the mouth.

Beca smirks before moving to take the right nipple in her mouth, sucking gently. Her other hand attends to the left. Her tongue swipes the bud before moving to the other one, her hand quick to continue the job. She does the same to the left tit, only sucking harder and biting harsher.

Chloe's grip on her hair tightens and she hisses, closing her eyes at the sensation. "God," she feels her cunt throbbing and she tries to push Beca's head over to where she needs it the most. "Please," she pleads.

She feels her smirk against her skin, "Please what?"

Chloe groans and arches her back when Beca flicks the nub with her tongue, "Please eat me."

"Well since you asked so nicely," she kisses her way down until she reaches the other girl's wetness. She flicks the clit once, "God, you are so wet."

Chloe can't breathe, let alone talk. She grunts in response and pushes Beca's head down further, needing more, always needing more.

Beca chuckles, "Impatient, aren't we?"

"Please just stop teasing and eat me already."

She hums against her skin, making Chloe's breath hitch, her fingers curl around a thigh and slowly inches its way between her legs. Her teeth take Chloe's clit between her lips as she plunges two fingers into her warmth. "Fuck!" Chloe abandons her hair and takes to gripping the sheets, closing her eyes.

Beca continuously flicks her clit with her tongue while her fingers pump in and out. Chloe groans and after a while pants, "More. Please."

Beca adds a third finger and thrusts faster.

Chloe arches her back and grips the sheets tighter, "Fuck, I am so close. Just…harder."

Beca adjusts position of her fingers and thrusts deeper and harder, curling her fingers. "Holy fuck! Just a little bit more." When Beca takes her clit between her teeth and bites down, Chloe is gone. She sees stars explode behind her eyes as her back, once again, arches off the bed, Beca's fingers still plunging in her helping her ride out her orgasm.

When she finally gets down from her high, she collapses unto the mattress, struggling to find her breath. She feels Beca kiss her way back up and offers her fingers to Chloe who eyes them and tentatively takes them in her mouth. She moans when her tongue makes contact with her own wetness, sucking on each finger until she licks them all clean.

Beca looks at her through hooded eyelids, her eyes so dark they're almost completely black. Her gaze just makes Chloe wet again. She takes the hand in hers and intertwines their fingers, "Do you want me to return the favour?"

Beca nods once and Chloe flips them over, effectively straddling her and grinding her hips into Beca's core. She moans and grips Chloe's hips, bucking her own up. Her mouth is open as she pants and her head falls to the side, almost spent. Her eyes fall on the alarm clock on Chloe's bedside table and-

"Shit!" she suddenly exclaims. And it wasn't out of pleasure.

Chloe stops abruptly and tilts her head, "Is something wrong? Do you want to speed things up or-"

Beca shakes her head, "It's 2 AM, Kimmy Jin is gonna kill me when I sneak in."

Chloe bits her lower lip, "Well, why don't you just, I don't know, stay here?"

Beca drops her gaze from Chloe's eyes and says, "Chloe, you know I can't."

Chloe hangs her head dejectedly and gets off of Beca to lie beside her, "Yeah, of course. I'm sorry I suggested it. You should- you should go."

Beca looks at her in a look that might mean 'I don't want to go' or 'I'm sorry' but ultimately, all she does is get up and start collecting her clothes.

Chloe reaches over the side of the bed to pick up the blanket they carelessly threw down hours before and drapes it over herself, moving to lie on her side facing away from the door.

She hears the door open and light floods her room. She feels Beca's gaze on her and she hears the sigh that escapes as she moves and the door closes.

She closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep, ignoring the way that her heart is unfortunately beating in her chest.

* * *

Bellas practices aren't awkward at all. She's aware this shouldn't be the case but when an arrangement is formed you have to commit to it. At least, you know, try to.

But God help her if she doesn't go out of her way to connect with her. At every possible chance, she touches her. Meaningful little touches that shouldn't mean anything, but tell an entire story. She knows she shouldn't be doing it, shouldn't be craving her skin or her touch or her attention; but she does and she can't stop it.

The reason why practices aren't awkward is because she refuses them to be awkward. The minute Beca becomes standoff-ish (more than usual, that is) she reels her back in (or at least she tries). After all, if she doesn't try, Beca wouldn't even be talking to her, let alone stay in the same room as her. She's trying so hard to make this "friendship" work, even if it's just her way of ensuring that she gets at least some interaction with her.

Aubrey, God bless her soul, notices this about her best friend immediately. "Why do you do that?" she asks one day after Bellas practice, after she catches Chloe looking at Beca's ass as she walks away.

She shifts her attention to Aubrey, "Do what?"

"Torture yourself like that?"

She shrugs nonchalantly, "I'm not torturing myself." And she grabs her bag as she makes her way out of the auditorium.

"Yes, you are. You actually like her," Aubrey follows her out.

"I like everyone."

"You know what I mean, Chloe."

"No, actually, I don't."

"Damn it, Chlo," Aubrey grabs hold of Chloe's arm and pulls on it to make her face her. "Don't shut me out. Just talk to me."  
Chloe sighs, "There's nothing to talk about. She's just one of my casual lays, ok?"

"You don't usually ask your casual lays to stay after a 'session'."

Chloe freezes and her eyebrows bunch together.

"I heard you yesterday. I didn't mean to! It's just that the walls in our apartment are just thin and I kind of hear a lot of things. I'm sorry," she explains hurriedly.

"So all this time you've been…"

"NO! I'm not a pervert or anything. I have these earplugs whenever you have guests over but yesterday I didn't have them on when I was getting water and I overheard you guys just as you said it. I didn't hear any of the…other stuff," she says with a light blush on her cheeks.

Chloe looks away, "You should've have been eavesdropping. That conversation was private."

"Chloe-"

"No, just stop it, Aubrey! What I decide to do with my life is none of your business," she says, forcefully pulling away from Aubrey's grasp on her arm.

Aubrey is taken aback by Chloe's aggressiveness. "I'm just trying to protect you," she tries, putting a hand on her shoulder.  
Chloe takes in a deep breath, "I know. And I'm sorry, you're right. But I don't want to talk about any of…this."

Aubrey nods and squeezes her shoulder, "I'm here for you, Chlo. No matter what you do." And then she moves in for a hug.  
Chloe hugs her back and burrows her head into the taller girl's shoulder, "Thanks, Bree."

"Anytime, Chlo."

* * *

Chloe's on the quad, studying for a test she doesn't really need to study for. But she finds that she needs to occupy herself so she can stop thinking about everything. About Aubrey, about her feelings, about Beca. She just really needs to stop thinking.

'Don't think.'

She frowns and stops reading when she realizes she's been reading the same paragraph for five minutes now. She sighs and takes to lying down on the grass instead.

She puts her hands behind her head and closes her eyes, really needing all the rest she could get. She also probably needed to actually talk about this so she'd stop losing so much sleep over it. Great, now she wishes she actually took Aubrey up on that offer.

She sighs and sits up; everything is just messing with her head lately. This wasn't supposed to happen to her, none of this was making any sense. Chloe, even with her bubbly, talkative, over-emotional personality, did not like to deal with things that had to do with…dare she actually say it, love.

She takes a quick look at her phone and starts packing her stuff when she sees nothing there. She starts getting up and walking away when she notices someone across the quad; in all her gloomy-presence-and-dark-makeup glory, Beca.

Suddenly, all she can focus on is her. Her senses go on overload just on the sight of her and she's suddenly very aware that her heart is beating in her chest. Stupid fucking heart.

And then, just as suddenly, the senses stop. Because then Jesse is there and he throws her a juice pack and he brings out a blanket and a (goddamn) candle. And she's lost. She's so lost and her heart is slowly breaking because Beca is smiling at him and laughing at him and she knows that she will never have that with her.

She glances down at her phone again and sees no new messages. Tears threaten to escape her eyes as she hurriedly power walks (almost runs) out of the quad.

Her 'Are you busy?' text to Beca an hour ago is still unanswered.

* * *

She's sitting Aubrey's headboard, softly crying into her best friend's shirt and clinging to it for dear life. Aubrey's drawing soothing circles across her back, softly shushing her. "She *sniff* chose him. And she'll a-always choose him."

A pregnant pause fills the air and then, "Maybe that's for the best."

Chloe looks up at her confusedly, wipes away her tears and pulls away, "What do you mean?"

Aubrey looks at her apologetically, "I just don't like her for you."

Chloe crosses her arms and scoots away, "You're just saying that because you don't like her."

Aubrey nods almost imperceptibly, "You're right. I don't like her. I especially don't like her right now."

"You don't even know her."

"I know she has a toner for Jesse. And I know she's breaking your heart when it's not even hers to break. Stop defending her! As a matter of fact, stop seeing her altogether."

Chloe throws her hands up as tears prickle her eyes again, "I can't, ok? I- I think I might be in love with her." And she breaks into fresh tears.

Aubrey's expression softens, "Oh, Chloe." She scoots over to her and wraps her arms around her best friend. Chloe immediately leans into the embrace and wraps her arms around Aubrey's waist, crying into her shirt again.

They spend the whole night like that even after Chloe's tears manage to stop.

* * *

She knows she shouldn't want this as much as she should, shouldn't feel like she needs it to live; she shouldn't crave it every day.

But even though she knew it, she really didn't want to put any of them into practice.

Which places her right back where Aubrey warned her not to go: in Beca's arms. Or to be more exact, on top of Beca, her hand slowly inching its way into her lacy underwear. They're both naked except for that one article of clothing.

Beca tracks its progress with her eyes, her hands itching to grab the hand and speed up the process, "Chloe."

"What?" she smirks.

"Hurry up," she demands.

Chloe stops her hand from moving forward and traces patterns over her navel, "Hmmm, let me think about it."

Beca groans, "Chloe, please."

Chloe smirks deviously, leans in to nibble on her earlobe before whispering in her ear, "Please what?"

She can almost feel the eye roll Beca is doing right now. "I'm not doing this."

Chloe squeezes her hips with her other hand, "It'll make things easier if you just say it."

Beca arches her back into Chloe, raking her nails down her back, "Please, just…"

Chloe moans at the sensation of Beca's nails, "Just what? Say it properly, babe."

"God, just, ugh, **_fuck me_**."

"Hmmm, you know what? I don't think so," she teases, whispering in her ear before moving down to press kisses all over Beca's neck.

Beca lets out a strangled sound of frustration, "If you don't do something soon, I will."

Chloe stops and moves up to look into Beca's eyes which are so dark with want and lust. "Show me."

Beca is taken aback, "Wha- that was a joke."

"I'm not touching you until you touch yourself," she says firmly.

Beca whimpers and then, without taking her eyes off of Chloe's, moves her right hand downwards. Chloe breaks their eye contact to track the hand disappearing into Beca's underwear, groaning when she realizes she didn't even bother to take the piece of clothing off. The hand in her panties starts moving and she is transfixed by the movement in there. "God," is softly uttered from Beca. Chloe tears her gaze away to take in Beca's closed eyes and open mouth.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You-your fingers. I-I wish they were in me right now," she stutters out, panting between each word.

"What about when you're alone at night? Do you touch yourself wishing it were me?"

Beca whimpers and closes her eyes. Chloe is having none of that and reaches out to still Beca's hand. Beca groans and tries moving again but Chloe maintains a firm grip, "You're not continuing until you answer the question."

Beca's eyebrows knit together and she seemingly struggles to find the right words to say until, "Fine! God, yes. When I'm alone at night and I think of you, I usually get so wet I don't even need to tease myself."

For some reason, Chloe's heart swells at the confession and she wears the biggest shit eating grin on her face before letting go of Beca's hand and letting her get on with it. She kisses her with a passion, trying to convey all the thoughts she can't voice out and she swipes at her bottom lip, begging for entrance which Beca grants almost immediately. Their tongues slide against one another as Chloe's hand moves lower and lower, leaving goosebumps in her wake.

One of them moans, she's not sure which one of them did but she finds that she doesn't care when her hand finally reaches the top of Beca's underwear. She teases the hem of it and pulls away from Beca's mouth to ask, "Are you close?" to which Beca just nods.

"Scream my name when you come," Chloe smirks and then unceremoniously thrusts her hand in her panties, finding her clit and pinching it.

"CHLOE!" she screams as her back arches off the bed. Chloe is still rubbing circles on her clit, helping her ride out her high.

Beca's breathing gradually evens out and her body falls into a heap on the mattress, Chloe pulls her fingers away from her clit and reaches down to pull out Beca's fingers from her core, pulling them towards her mouth and licking them all clean. She remembers the last time she did this and relishes in the taste of Beca's come as opposed to the memory of her own.

She closes her eyes and moans exaggeratedly at the taste before looking down to gauge Beca's reaction.

Beca's asleep, or at least she looks asleep, probably spent. Chloe stares blatantly down at her exposed body, enjoying the only time she can remember where it didn't feel like Beca was trying to fast forward events and get out of there as soon as she could.

Chloe smiles softly, grabs the blanket they disregarded at the foot of the bed and drapes it over them. Then she snuggles into Beca's side, throwing an arm over her stomach and slipping a leg between hers.

These are the moments Chloe lives for. When she feels safe and secure, when she doesn't have to worry about anything else and just live in the present, when she just doesn't think.

And with the feel of Beca's skin under her fingertips and the warmth she feels all over her body, it shouldn't have been such a surprise when the next three words leave her mouth.

"I love you," she whispers into the dark, immediately clasping a hand to her mouth, her eyes widening.

She's made a terrible mistake and she knows it instantly because Beca stiffens (she was apparently was not asleep at all), stops breathing for a while, opens her eyes and slips out of Chloe's loose embrace.

Chloe dares not say anything, hand still firmly clasped over her mouth, lest she say something she'd regret (again).

Beca soundlessly picks up her clothes and puts them on as Chloe watches with a horrified expression. Her eyes begging her silently to understand and to let this whole situation go. It doesn't reach her at all because then she power walks out of the room like there was something deadly in there and trying to kill her.

The door shuts with a soft click and as always, Chloe is left alone in the dark.

* * *

AN. So what'd you think? If you leave a review, the aca-gods will bless you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe's laying in the middle of Aubrey's bed, her hands on her stomach and her feet dangling over the edge. She has yet to say a word since she stormed into Aubrey's room and flopped down on the bed.

Aubrey abandoned her homework the second Chloe opened the door; and is now staring at her, waiting for something, anything.

Aubrey has always been able to read her like a book and has been her best friend since the day in third grade when Chloe offered to sit with her when no one else would. But right now, Aubrey can make neither head nor tail of the situation. Chloe's eyes are filled with sadness and remorse, the former Aubrey is definitely not used to. Because it was a different kind of sadness, the kind that Chloe probably never experienced before. The kind of sadness that swallows you whole and takes everyone with you.

"Chloe," she starts, trying to break through the dark cloud that almost visibly surrounds her best friend.

Chloe turns to looks at her with an emotionless expression, "Yeah?"

"You're scaring me."

Chloe sighs and sits up, gets her feet up on the bed and hugs her knees. "She doesn't love me back. And she probably will never love me back."

Aubrey is still at a loss because instead of heart breaking sob or a stutter in her words, she doesn't hear even a tinge of emotion in her voice.

"Oh, Chloe," Aubrey moves to the bed and takes Chloe in her arms, rubbing her hands up and down them. She expects Chloe to immediately latch unto her, to hug her back, to sob, to at least do something. Instead, she just sits there, her blue eyes usually so full of life are downcast and filled with sadness. And again, Aubrey is out of her element.

_Fucking Mitchell._

She's not sure what to do at this point. Usually, consoling Chloe was easy and was almost second nature to her. Now, it feels like Chloe's turned a complete 180 and Aubrey feels like she's dealing with a completely different person.

Still, Aubrey pushes on and asks, "What happened?"

Chloe's numbness breaks a little when she sighs and her expression softens, "I told her I loved her last night."

Aubrey is taken aback by this, she never thought she'd actually tell her, "And? What did she do?"

There's panic now, in Chloe's eyes, she finally lifts her head from her knees and looks Aubrey straight in the eye, "Don't freak out."

"Why would I do that?"

"Just promise you won't."

Aubrey rolls her eyes, "Fine. I won't. Now tell me."

Chloe relates the events of last night and with each passing second, Aubrey grows more and more angry.

"That bitch," she spews out venomously. She's seeing red and all she wants to do is find Beca and rip her apart limb from limb. And that's exactly what she sets out to do, she stand up and moves to the door before a hand on her wrist stops her.

"You promised," Chloe pleads.

"But Beca…"

"I know what she did, Bree. But you promised and now I need you to calm down, ok?"

She sighs and sits down beside Chloe. Chloe holds out her pinkie to her, "Pinkie promise you won't go after her."

Aubrey looks at the offered finger in disbelief, "Really? We haven't done that since we were in junior high."

Chloe waggles it in front of her face and says, "Come on, Aubrey. I'm not letting this go until you do."

Aubrey rolls her eyes at her but takes the pinkie in hers. "I pinkie promise," they both say simultaneously.

Chloe nods once, satisfied with the ritual and untangle their pinkies. Then she retreats back in her own shell and adopts the hollow expression she had on a few minutes before.

Aubrey, once again, is lost. She's actually incredibly uncomfortable about this and, as is the norm for her when faced with nerve wracking, uncomfortable situations, she's trying really hard not to hurl.

So she sits there, prim and proper, back ramrod straight and muscles tensed, staring straight ahead.

But she's not going to go anywhere because the unspoken rule that best friends have is to be there for each other through anything and everything. Even when you have no idea what you can do for them.

It's the worst feeling in the world, to have your friend broken and damaged beside you and you have no way to articulate how much you don't want them to be sad. And you have no idea what you should do to make them stop being sad. But in times like these, you know the best way to go about it is to emphasize and try to tell them eveything's going to be okay.

Yet, Aubrey doesn't want to lie to Chloe when she doesn't know for sure if everything would be okay, so she does the first part and she lets herself feel what Chloe is feeling. And she lets herself do what Chloe is obviously trying very hard not to: she cries.

She cries those ugly, huge teardrops sort of cry complete with noises that sounds like the snot is making it very hard for her to breath. She cries, and instead of joining her, Chloe wraps her arms around Aubrey's waist and pulls her closer.

This time around, it's Aubrey who's soaking Chloe's shirt with tears.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Chloe walks around like the zombie that she feels she is. All she wants to do is find Beca and tell her it was all just a big mistake, that saying I love you after sex didn't even count in the first place. All she wants to do is to talk to her and make her take her back.

But she can't, she knows this at least this much. She knows this and it hurts every time she reminds herself. Because now that she had confessed, she was pretty sure Beca didn't want anything to do with her. And that Beca will never feel the same way she does.

But really, what she feels is lost. At a loss for what to do because she's never been in this kind of situation before. Lost because she feels as if she's floating around and unable to stay on the ground without Beca. And literally lost because she didn't even know which part of the campus she was in. She had been wandering around aimlessly and wasn't even looking at the direction she was going.

And now, for the first time that day, she feels something other than the dark pit of hopelessness and sadness she was in, she feels curiosity flooding her senses and filling her with a sense of adventure. In all her four years of staying at Barden, she had never come across this old looking building before.

Her eyes light up and she quickly makes her way towards the entrance. When she gets there, she checks her wristwatch, 10:15 AM. She already missed her first class of the day, and now she's about to miss her second one. But it didn't matter, even if she did go to class, she wouldn't be able to pay it any attention. So she shrugs and trudges onwards, pulling at the huge, creaky, wooden doors.

She takes a look around, once. It's not entirely covered with a layer of dust, so someone must come in here and take care of it.

A huge room is drawing her in for some unknown reason; it must be a ballroom or something. What this a house? Did someone live here? Was she trespassing on private property? But she finds that she doesn't care about any of these things and she is shocked when she finds herself at the center of a huge library.

It's a huge circular room, with seven, six foot bookcases side by side along the walls of the room. There's a quote at the top of the two of the bookcases.

"It is in losing yourself that you find yourself," she reads out loud. "Well, isn't that just coincidental?"

She looks around for any hidden cameras, "Really, universe? Really? If this is your idea of a joke, it's not at all funny."

"I actually find it very inspirational," she whips around to face a smirking Dr. Mitchell who's leaning on the doorposts with his arms crossed.

Just her luck. The universe was really against her today.

"I-um, I'm really sorry, Dr. Mitchell, I didn't realize anybody was here. I-I didn't mean to intrude or anything-" she manages to stutter out before Dr. Mitchell interrupts her with his hand raised.

"No, it's okay. To be entirely honest, I've actually been waiting for some student to stumble upon this gold mine. And so far, in all my years here at Barden, you are the first one," his tone is disappointed and his smirk transformed into a frown.

Chloe is surprised at this, "Seriously? No one else has seen this place?"

Dr. Mitchell shakes his head, "To be fair, I've only been here for 10 years so there may have been other students before I even came to teach here."

"10 years is a long time for no one to find this though."

"That's true. I wonder why nobody ever does."

"Maybe because it's so out of the way? I mean, I only happened upon here because I wasn't minding where I was going and got lost somewhere along the way."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's because people are so used to the familiar and mundane that they don't even step out of their comfort zone to explore better possibilities."

Chloe froze then. Had Beca told her father about them?

She searches his face for an indication of knowing something else but she didn't find a wry, knowing expression or a hint of hard seriousness in his features.

In fact, she's pretty sure he doesn't even know who she is.

She lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, "Yeah, I guess that's the reason. And anyway, the whole campus is huge; it'd be weird to go around exploring other parts."

And then he sighs, "Some people never even leave the comfort of their beds."

There it is, now she knows what he's talking about.

"Not even to go to class," she says, amusement in her voice.

Dr. Mitchell catches on, "But still manages to go to a silly internship at a dusty old place."

"Or still makes it to an everyday practice," Chloe smiles at him.

Dr. Mitchell smiles back and asks, "Do you know my daughter?"

For some reason, Chloe catches a case of heartburn and is unable to speak without choking out the words, so she simply nods her head.

Dr. Mitchell smile grows bigger at the possibility of knowing more about his daughter through someone else. "How do you know her?"

Chloe's breathing has regulated and the heartburn is slowly fading away but she speaks slowly so she doesn't trip over her words, "I'm the Bella's captain."

He nods once and asks tentatively, "And tell me, how is she?"

Chloe feels like she's being put on the spot and that she wants to run away, but that'd be rude and she would never do that so she answers, "She's great, actually (_more than great, she's the most amazing person I've ever met_, she wants to say but can't). She has an amazing voice, the kind you want to take away and marry (_and possibly also marry the person attached to it_). And her ideas can definitely make us a better team. She's a great addition, and I'm glad she decided to join us (_I'm glad I decided to jump in her shower that day_)," she finishes with a shaky smile.

Dr. Mitchell doesn't notice how uncomfortable she is at all and beams like the proud parent he is, "If there's one thing I know about her, it's that she's talented. And willing to do almost anything to get what she wants."

And the little hope Chloe had left is broken and crushed under the feet of a thousand giants and then somehow regains consciousness enough to go flying out the window. It's free now, leaving Chloe with nothing.

She forces herself to smile, "Yeah, I guess she is headstrong and a lot talented."

He looks down at the ground and smiles wistfully. And suddenly, she feels like she's intruding on a private moment. She's not supposed to be here, she's not supposed to see some old guy reminisce on the things that could have been; especially not if that old guy is the father of the girl she's in love with.

So she shuffles her feet and awkwardly stands there looking at anything but the professor in front of her.

She hears him clear his throat, "Sorry, I just – She's not very…open. She doesn't even want to talk to me."

Chloe nods because she knows exactly what that feels like. This was a topic she could relate to, "I get it. I guess she just shuts everyone out." Strangely, she doesn't even feel weird talking about this.

His expression grows sadder, and then he lights up, "You guys are friends right?"

_Fuck._

"Yeah, I guess we are."

His eyebrows rise at that, "But you seem to know a lot about her."

_Double fuck. _

"We're teammates, which is all we are, really. I don't really know much about her," this one was true. She didn't know anything about Beca, no personal details or life story or anything. All she knew was what she looked like naked. She wasn't even sure how many tattoos she had on her body.

_Whoah, _it just hit her. She knew absolutely nothing about Beca and yet she _loved her_. How is that even possible?

"…in any case, you're welcome to use this place whenever you need to. The door is never locked and no one ever comes in here so you're safe," she manages to catch the end part of Dr. Mitchell's speech, who is about to leave. "You can stay here if you want, just close the door on your way out," he smiles warmly at her, and she returns a genuine smile in return, before he walks out of the room and out of the house.

She sighs and decides to stay there for the rest of her second class.

But also a thought resonates in her head: That was the second Mitchell to walk away from her within the last twenty-four hour time frame.

* * *

Aubrey's being deliberately mean today at Bella's practice. Especially with Beca.

"Beca, that's the wrong foot."

"That's not the choreography."

"Stop trying to interject with your ideas. They're not going to help anyone."

Ok so the last one was heard on a regular basis, still, she was being pretty harsh today.

And Beca knew this, judging from the way she kept shooting daggers at Chloe whenever Aubrey made a snide comment about her.

Beca sighs and says in the calmest voice she could muster, "Lay off, Aubrey. I'm trying my best here."

"Well, you're not trying hard enough. I can't have you hurt…our chances at winning."

"I'm not trying to hurt anything. Believe me when I say I really want us all to be happy."

"Well if you really wanted us to be happy, you would stop with your fucking games!" she throws her hands up in exasperation.

"I'm not playing any games, ok? You wouldn't get it, you've never been in this situation before."

The rest of Bellas have sensed something was entirely off so they all stop trying to dance and they watch the conversation like a tennis match, "Well if you had just practiced and memorized the entire choreography instead of slacking off and not doing anything."

Beca sports a confused and incredulous look on her face, "I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing anymore. What are you alluding to?"

Aubrey rolls her eyes at her, "Never mind. Practice is over for today, everyone go home," and then she marches out.

"Okay was it just me or did anybody else think they weren't talking about choreography?" Fat Amy asks.

Everyone else just shrugs and starts streaming out of the auditorium, each with their own agenda in their head.

Chloe's agenda is Beca, who is staring straight at her, imploring her to say something. But she can't. She knows she should have gone after Aubrey but something rooted her to the spot she was in.

Beca wants to talk, she can see that. And that completely throws her off because she wasn't expecting this at all. In fact, Beca hadn't been ignoring her entire existence, which was what she expected to happen.

She takes a deep breath as Beca makes her way towards her. "Hi," she greets, polite and detached. Chloe can't read her face and she doesn't know what she herself should be feeling right now.

"Hi," she greets back.

Beca looks down at her shoes, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before looking back at Chloe's eyes, "We need to talk."

And there it was, the four words she never would have thought she'd hear from Beca. Her heart is painfully thumping in her chest and she's struggling to find the air to breath but she manages to cover it all up with a cough before she regains control over her breathing.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing out of her mouth. She doesn't know why but she felt like they were the right words to say.

"I'm sorry," she says again because she figures that was what Beca wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry," because it covers up the 'I love you' she really wanted to say instead.

"I'm sorry," because maybe if she said it enough times Beca would change her mind.

Beca's expression is still unreadable, for all Chloe can see; she's trying to cover up any shred of emotion on her face. "Chloe," she starts. "We can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?" she really understands what it means but she needs validation; maybe if she asked the question, the answer would be different.

"I mean we can't keep having sex with each other. It's not fair to you," her face still a mask of indifference.

She's right, she's absolutely right. But she won't accept it.

"But I'm okay with it," she moves closer and places her hand on Beca's shoulder. "I'll shove down my feelings, I swear. It didn't have to mean anything."

Beca stiffens, "But it's not okay with me. You're getting hurt and I don't want to be the cause of that. Aubrey was right. We should just stop this."

She's getting desperate now and tears well up in her eyes, "I can't not have you in my life, Beca. Please…I can be better," she's holding both her shoulder now, her eyes filled with desperation.

"Chloe, please, stop it!" For the first time since the conversation started, Beca shows actual emotion: anger and exasperation. "I've made up my mind about this, we can't keep this up," she gently removes both of her hands off her shoulder.

Under normal circumstances, Chloe would have fought tooth and nail. But this was different; everything was always different when it came to Beca.

So she shuts down. Her eyes, so filled with desperation before, are now hollow and empty. Her arms feel useless at her sides, and she wants to do is get this over with, "OK."

If Beca is surprised at the complete 180, she doesn't show it. "I think you need to move on Chlo."

She would have. She would have given then, would've stopped everything and tried to move on. But there was something that stopped her from doing just that.

Beca is showing emotion again. This time her eyes betray her emotionless face. Because in there is heartbreak and sadness. But most of all, there's regret.

She's not entirely sure what that means for her but she'll be damned if she wasn't going to psychoanalyze this entire conversation over and over again.

She's so preoccupied that she doesn't notice Beca leaving or the door slamming shut.

And for the second time that day, she's left alone in a huge room. _At least now I'm not as lost._


	3. Chapter 3

AN. This is the shortest chapter thus far, and I know I took my sweet time writing this one and for that I sincerely apologize. In my defense, school has been horrible. Enjoy!

* * *

This is becoming seriously frustrating. Chloe just seems to barge in fresh from her latest Beca-related drama and then proceeds not to talk about it. At. All.

This is definitely not Chloe. In fact, the Chloe she knows would have started talking about what happened even before she got in the room. Usually, Aubrey had to do a lot of catching up when Chloe started. She could barely stop for a breath.

But now, there's nothing. Just the silence and the sound of the intake of breaths.

**_Fucking Mitchell. What the fuck is that midget doing to her?_**

"Chloe, if you don't say something soon, I will march right over to Beca's dorm and punch her in the-"

Chloe interrupts before Aubrey can finish the sentence. "You pinkie promised. And you can't ever break a pinkie promise or I disown you as a friend," she says in all seriousness.

Aubrey rolls her eyes at her, "Fine, ok whatever. Just tell whatever it is Beca did to make you this deep in thought."

Chloe sighs and closes her eyes for a bit before looking at Aubrey straight in the eye, "What does it mean if someone looks at you with regret and longing in their eyes?"

Aubrey blinks and furrows her brow, not really expecting that as an answer, "I don't know, you're the one who's great at interpreting people."

Chloe looks away and stares at the ceiling, "Yeah and I was so sure I had read it right when it was happening but right now…I'm torn."

"Well what was your initial thought?"

Chloe's eyes cloud over with uncertainty, "I think she was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of me? Of us? Of this thing that's going on? I think she's scared of a lot of things."

Aubrey sits up and stares down at her incredulously, "Okay no, wait. Start from the very beginning."

So Chloe sits up and adjusts the pillows behind and begins relating everything that happened in the auditorium after all the Bellas left.

"Well…" Aubrey starts, not really knowing what to say when Chloe finishes talking.

"I know."

"I'm surprised."

"I was, too," Chloe sighs, thinking that Aubrey was referring to the fact that Beca actually talked to her instead of ignoring the problem.

"Honestly, I didn't think Beca had it in her," Aubrey leans back against the headboard. "That is probably the first good thing she's done."

Chloe punches her in the arm. "Stop being mean," she says with an edge to her voice, complete with a death glare.

"Ow, Chloe! What the hell?!" she says, enraged as she rubs the spot Chloe hit.

"I know you don't approve of her, ok? But I want this and I need you to be my friend right now," she almost begs, looking at her pleadingly.

Aubrey scans her face once, sighs and drops her hand from her arm, "Fine." And gestures to Chloe to continue talking.

"Thank you," she relaxes back into the headboard so she's beside Aubrey again. "I'm not giving up on her; I'm not giving up on **us**."

"Well, it seems like she's giving up on both of those things."

"She's not, I can tell. She's just scared, that's all," she crosses her arms at her chest, determined.

Aubrey mulls this over before saying, "You know, the scared ones aren't usually the ones who get hurt."

* * *

Chloe finds herself in front of the out-of-the-way building again. She doesn't even know what she's doing here.

It's the weekend and she had nowhere else to go because Aubrey was out of the apartment and she didn't want to be stuck there all day. She'd gone out for a walk and she'd ended up here.

She looks around to see if anyone else was in there, peeking through the windows and calling out for anyone, but there wasn't a shadow to be seen or a voice to be heard.

She shrugs and walks toward the door, Dr. Mitchell did say to come in whenever she wanted. She pushes the doors open and heads straight to the library and is still in awe of the sheer enormity of it.

She starts to walk towards a random bookcase and closes her eyes, picking up a random book.

_'He's Just Not That Into You'_

She groans and puts it back. Again, she chooses a random bookshelf, closes her eyes and picks one.

_'Getting Past Your Breakup'_

"What the actual fuck, universe?!" she actually screams out. She angrily throws the book unto the ground and storms out of the room.

A while later, she walks back into the room, picks up the book and puts it back on shelf. Then, she straightens her clothes, fixes her hair and walks out of the house with as much grace as she can muster.

* * *

Chloe is reminded of 500 Days of Summer. She's Tom right now.

Which really, really sucks because she hated Tom.

* * *

Chloe is at a coffee shop, stirring her still scorching hot coffee, staring at nothing.

The bell on the door of the coffee shop dings and Chloe doesn't look to see who it is. Aubrey walks through the door, spots Chloe and makes a beeline for her table. She stops in front of her, looks at the point where Chloe is staring and sees nothing so she takes a seat across from hers.

"What are you doing?"

Chloe doesn't stop stirring or her staring at that one spot to respond with, "Have you ever had the feeling that the whole universe is against you?"

Aubrey shrugs noncommittally. In times like these, she knew better than to respond to anything the redhead would say. This was her rhetorical soliloquy, technically she didn't even need Aubrey for this but she called her anyway to make sure that anyone who even bothered to look wouldn't think she was a complete lunatic.

She stops her stirring and turns to look at Aubrey, "I mean, I get it. Us against the world and all that but right now it's me against her and the world. This isn't an epic star-crossed tale. This is me trying to make her realize that I'm the one for her. This is me trying and simultaneously, this is me failing.

I'm Tom right now, Aubrey! I'm Tom and I'm not supposed to be him because I hate him!"

Aubrey raises an eyebrow, the last time she talked to her, she was pretty determined to get Beca back because she was just scared, and now she's ready to throw everything away? _Mitchell is giving my best friend a mental disorder._

She holds up a hand to Chloe's face and interrupts her spiel, "Okay, calm your pits. Start from the beginning."

Chloe takes a deep breath before going, "I went to Beca's dorm room today."

Aubrey blinks, not expecting Chloe to have been so forward. "And? How did it go?"

Chloe looks away, "I don't want to talk about it."

Aubrey stares at her incredulously, "You sure about that?"

Chloe looks back at Aubrey. "No…Yes…Maybe. I'm…not entirely sure." She looks away again and takes hold of her cup of coffee with both hands, "Let's just say it didn't go entirely well and I totes lost my faith in humanity."

Aubrey zeroes in on the movement and notices her coffee, "You never take your coffee black," she says, surprised.

Chloe glances down before responding, "I thought it was appropriate. You know, seeing as how it's the same color of my soul." She says, before bringing the cup to her lips.

Aubrey bursts out laughing, "Seriously, Chlo?" she asks when her laughter dies down. Chloe, in turn, just glares at her. Aubrey shakes her head, "You are so dramatic."

Chloe surprises even herself when she cracks a genuine smile, "You love it," and sends a wink across the table.

* * *

AN. I don't know what happened in this chapter, it all just sort of did? idk. Sadly there wasn't any smut in this one either but I swear next chapter there will be! What happened in Beca's dorm is also coming up. Review and I'll love you forever :)


	4. Chapter 4

AN. HI. It's been 2 months since I last updated this story and I'm really, really sorry for that. I'm also kind of sorry for this chapter. In other news, huge thanks to Gwen (stuff-the-ice-chest) for beta'ing for me :)

Also, I know I promised smut but you're not gonna get that. Well not necessarily.

* * *

_Earlier that day…_

Chloe poises her hand to knock on the door but seems to think better of it because she stops herself and runs the hand through her hair instead.

She sighs and starts walking away, only to backtrack and end up in front of the door again.

She takes a deep breath, raises her hand and drops it. Letting out a groan, she moves to rest her head on the nearest wall and closes her eyes. She's nervous, and Chloe Beale is never good with nerves. This rarely ever happens but whenever it does, she never knows what to do with herself.

Finally, by some stroke of luck, the door opens, saving Chloe from at least ten more rounds of what she had been doing minutes before. Chloe lifts her head from its spot on the wall only to be greeted by the image of a scowling Kimmy Jin (she swears she has never seen the girl smile before).

She gives her a small smile for the sake of it and receives a glare in response. "Hi, Kimmy Jin," raising her hand up in a small wave. "Is Beca in?" Kimmy Jin rolls her eyes instead of giving a response and moves to get out of the room, revealing Beca on her bed, her eyebrows scrunching up as she glares at something on her laptop. And all of the sudden, Chloe is assaulted by a wave of affection and adoration as she wonders why, even in pajamas and bed hair, Beca still proves to be one of the most gorgeous girls Chloe has ever seen.

She clears her throat, which garners Beca's attention, her eyes finally tearing away from the laptop. She sees Chloe standing in the doorway and tilts her head a little to the right. "What are you doing here?"

Chloe gives her a small smile. "I can't drop by once in awhile? I used to do it all the time."

They usually took turns hanging out at each other's rooms when they still had the arrangement. Beca's when Kimmy Jin was hanging out with her Korean friends and Chloe's when Aubrey wasn't being so anal-retentive about a capella or school.

"We are still friends, right?" she asks, tentatively taking a step towards the bed.

Beca smiles at her and puts her laptop on the desk behind the bed, "I don't know, Chloe. We didn't exactly have time for being friends, did we?" she says, when she faces her again.

"We could work on that. I did say we would be fast friends didn't I?" she quotes herself from Hood Night. Beca sits up so Chloe can have space on the bed to sit down on.

"You did say that, and then you kind of jumped me after and I didn't talk to you for three days afterwards," Beca says, a light teasing tone in her voice.

"Hmmm, you're right," Chloe replies as casually as she can, the tension slowly dissipating from her shoulders as she leans back against the wall. "We should probably work on that." She smirks.

"We probably should," Beca says, leaning back.

"We could hang out right now," Chloe says, her eyes bright and twinkling.

Beca ducks her head and blushes, "Chloe…you know we can't."

"Not for that reason!" Except it kind of was. "I just want to get to know you more, you're actually kind of cool, you know?"

Beca looks up again and smirks cockily at her. "I know."

Chloe rolls her eyes. "And so modest too."

Beca shrugs. "If you have it, flaunt it. There's no reason to try and hide it when you know it's gonna come out anyway."

Chloe smiles fondly at her.

They lapse into a comfortable silence after that, just kind of staring at each other. This went on for a few minutes before Chloe starts shifting uncomfortably in her spot and starts to panic, I should talk about something, anything. God, this isn't supposed to be so awkward. What the hell am I supposed to be doing with her when I'm not doing her?

"Have you been to the library at the back of the school?" For some reason, that is what comes out of her mouth when she caves in from the pressure.

Beca looks at her questioningly. "What are you talking about?"

Chloe instantly regrets her decision and feels like she shouldn't have brought it up at all. "I mean the old, abandoned house at the back of the school. There's a really huge library there."

"Okkkayy?" Beca stresses out the word, obviously at a loss for anything else to say.

"I'm just asking cause I saw your dad there once. He takes care of it and everything," Chloe internally facepalms. She knows that the moment she brings up Beca's dad she's going to be running for the hills. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Um, okay? I think I heard him talk about a library one time. Wanted me to visit or something."

"We should go."

"What?"

"We should go to the library. It's actually a really cool place," Chloe tries.

Beca looks at her questioningly. "We should go?"

Chloe hesitantly nods.

"What? Like, right now?"

Chloe shrugs. "I mean, if you want to. We don't really have to go right now. But we should definitely go sometime."

Beca raises her eyebrows at her and moves her head a little to what could be interpreted as a nod.

"Did that mean yes?" Chloe asks, hopeful.

Beca shrugs. "It meant maybe."

Chloe beams at her and then says, "Do you want to get a coffee?"

"Right now?" Chloe nods excitedly. Beca quirks an eyebrow at her. "Chloe, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm still in my pajamas." She gestures to her current outfit.

"So change," Chloe scoffs; what an obvious answer.

"But you're…" Beca trails off and looks at Chloe pointedly.

Chloe rolls her eyes at her. "Beca, you're being irrational. I've seen you naked more times than I can count. There's really no need to be self-conscious or anything."

Beca blushes throughout Chloe's speech, which she just finds incredibly endearing. "It's different when we're not both naked," she mumbles and looks away, refusing to keep eye contact.

Chloe licks her lips before tentatively saying, "I could get naked too if that would help."

Beca's head turn so fast, Chloe's worried she got whiplash from it. "Chloe," she starts warning so obvious in her voice. "You can't say things like that," she scolds and looks at her seriously.

"Why not?" Chloe asks, faking innocence. She knows the answer to this question but she can't help but ask anyway.

"Because you just can't, okay?" Beca's voice raises an octave and Chloe knows she's hit a nerve. "You can't say stuff like that when we can't do what you want us to do." She throws her arms up in frustration before crossing them.

Chloe hugs herself and looks down before saying, "And what is that you think I want us to do?"

She hears Beca sigh. "I don't know, Chloe. Do you want things to go back the way they were before? Because that can't happen."

Chloe raises her head up and stares at Beca pleasingly; this wasn't the way this trip was supposed to go but right now, she doesn't even care, "Why can't it happen though?"

"Because you said-"

Chloe cuts her off, "I know what I said. But I told you before, it didn't have to mean anything. Let's chalk it up to post-coital bliss. Trust me, I don't want anything more than what we had."

Beca glares at her. "And I told you before, it isn't going to be fair for you. I don't want to hurt you."

Chloe laughs without mirth. "It won't hurt me, Beca. It's just a win-win situation. We'd both be getting what we want. You, a no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits relationship and me, a few moments with you. No matter the situation."

Beca pulls her knees towards her and hugs them, and looks just about ready to curl into a ball. "What if that's not what I want?"

"I don't understand. What do you want?"

"I don't know but I don't want this. It's incredibly unfair to you."

"I don't care," Chloe boldly states.

"I do!" Beca snaps. "I care that it's just going to hurt you. I care that I can't ever be in a relationship with you. I care that I don't love you back," the last part was more of a whisper than anything, Chloe suspects she wasn't even supposed to hear it, but she did.

She feels like her chest is constricting, like her heart is out to kill her. She thinks she can hear it literally shattering, the shards landing in places they shouldn't be. And they all hurt like hell. "I-" she tries, but she comes up with a blank.

Beca, who isn't actually a horrible person, glances up and senses her hurt. "God, we aren't even doing anything and I'm hurting you. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid."

Chloe manages to smile despite the hurt but even to her it's incredibly fake. "And they say chivalry is dead."

"Chloe." Beca scoots closer to her so they're only a few inches apart and lightly touches her arm. "I'm seriously trying here."

Chloe stares at the hand on her arm for a second before looking into Beca's eyes which are filled with various emotions. Pity, she thinks, which kind of pisses her off. Remorse—but for what exactly? And... lust.

Lust? What the hell, Beca?! I'm having an incredibly serious conversation with you and you get turned on? What is...?

And then it hits her like a ton of bricks. Her expression changes from questioning and furious to enlightened.

There was once a time when the simplest of touches meant ripping each other's clothes off. When all it took was one look to flood their underwear, when it was all so easy.

When this whole mess started, it took a lot of alcohol, a lot of words and a lot of tugging to get Beca to budge. But as the arrangement went on—

All they needed to do was lean in.

And that is exactly what Chloe is doing while looking straight into Beca's eyes. She shifts her body so she's facing Beca and her hand covers the hand on her arm. Beca shifts her gaze to the their hands and she shakes her head a little. "Chloe…"

"Why not?" Chloe asks, her hand traveling along the arm now, feeling the material of Beca's sweatshirt under her fingertips as her hand moves higher and higher.

Beca doesn't make a move to stop her but she's not exactly participating either. "I told you why."

Chloe doesn't stop her hand from moving until she reaches Beca's cheek. Beca has yet to slap her hand away so she takes this opportunity to lean in more and press a barely-there kiss on the side of Beca's neck. "Tell me to stop then," she murmurs against her skin, punctuating every word with a kiss to the column of her neck.

Beca closes her eyes and groans, the hand on Chloe's arm making its way up and gets lost in red locks. "Chloe," she whines.

"That's not telling me to stop," she says before leaning up to press a kiss to Beca's jaw.

Beca's breath hitches before she asks, "What if I don't want you to?"

Chloe stops and levels her gaze with Beca's. "Then we don't stop."

"But we can't," Beca says almost pleadingly.

"Why not?"

"You know why, Chloe." Beca turns her head away before continuing: "It's not fair to you and I don't think…"

"Shh," Chloe gently grabs hold of Beca's chin and turns her head to face her again. She plants a chaste kiss on Beca's mouth before whispering, "Don't think."

Beca bites her lower lip in contemplation and examines Chloe's face before nodding. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Beca smirks. "Okay."

Chloe smiles widely at her, joy clearly written all over her face, before she leans in again to place a soft, chaste kiss on Beca's lips.

Beca's moans into Chloe's mouth as the hand that was previously in Chloe's hair moves lower to cup the back of her neck.

The kiss is unlike any kiss they had shared thus far. It's soft and unrushed and passionate, making it the most honest moment they've ever had. They take the time to explore one another's mouth instead of detached kissing that they had usually done just for the sake of foreplay. Chloe tried to communicate everything through that kiss: Kiss me like you mean it. Stop being so afraid. Love me back. Please.

The last word she tries to convey more than anything. She moves on top of Beca so she's lying beneath her on the bed, her hands pinned on the bed, before pulling away from the kiss and looking deep into her eyes, searching for… something. Maybe she was looking for actual honesty, she wasn't entirely sure.

What she sees is a mix of lust, confusion, and a hint of what could be adoration.

They move in tandem, their movements slow and delicate like they're almost afraid of hurting the other. Carefully removing each other's clothing instead of ripping them off, taking their time instead of rushing through the whole thing because they're afraid of being caught. The whole world disappears for a few moments, all that matters is that they were together and alone—and it also doesn't hurt that they are very, very naked.

* * *

They lie panting on the bed, Chloe's arm carelessly flung across Beca's stomach and her head resting on top of her shoulder. This was another first, cuddling was never an option for Beca as she was as closed off as anyone could possibly get and she didn't like the touchy-feely, mushy part after the actual touching and feeling. But right now, Beca looks content, a smile playing on her lips as the arm that's wrapped around Chloe's shoulder moves up and down Chloe's arm.

And of course, all good things come to an end. And she just had to ruin it by being Beca.

"Chlo," she starts, gazing down at the woman in her arms.

"Hmmm?" Chloe picks her head up from her previous position to look up at Beca.

"As much fun as this was, it doesn't change anything, okay?"

Chloe furrows her brow. "What do you mean?"

Beca lets out an exasperated sigh. "I mean it doesn't change what I think about this whole thing."

Chloe knows exactly what she means, but she doesn't want to accept the reality of the situation. She doesn't want this moment to be their last, and she is hoping to God that if she asked the question, the answer would change. Her eyes hardens and her voice drops an octave. "And what exactly do you think about this whole thing?"

Beca rolls her eyes and pushes Chloe off of her to get out of bed, "You know exactly what that is Chloe! I've already said it a million times, we can't have sex anymore," she practically screams, her back to Chloe as she picks up her clothes and starts getting dressed.

Chloe sits up on the bed, not even bothering to cover up her naked self. "And yet we just did. How do you explain that?"

Beca turns around abruptly, almost giving herself whiplash. "I don't know, Chloe. Maybe it was you seducing me." She crosses her arms at her chest giving her a pointed look.

"We didn't do anything you didn't want to do," Chloe points out. "I asked you if you wanted to stop and you didn't tell me to."

Beca looks at her condescendingly. "What part of seducing didn't you understand? Do you need me to explain everything to you?"

Chloe gets out of bed and moves threateningly towards Beca. "Don't patronize me, I'm not a child!"

"Well you sure are acting like one!" Beca was never one to back down from a challenge and she wasn't going to start now.

"I'm not the only one, why don't you ever want to have an adult conversation with me, Beca?"

"Because I don't want to!" The room is silent after that. Neither one of them knowing what to do or say next.

Chloe eases from her stiff posture and starts gathering up her clothes. "Fine, I'll just be the only adult then. I'll leave and you can stay here all day working on your stupid mixes."

"They're not stupid." She barely hears the whisper as she puts on her clothes. I could be the judge of that, if you actually let me listen to them, she thinks.

Chloe gathers up her things and stomps her way to the door. She has one hand on the doorknob when she remembers something and turns around to face Beca again. "One last thing before I go: I know you felt how real and sincere I was the entire time. What was that to you?"

Beca stands uncomfortably in the middle of the room; she has never done well with scrutiny. "I-I don't know. I didn't feel anything," she mumbles, her gaze directed to the floor.

Chloe chokes back the tears threatening to make themselves known. "Nothing? Absolutely nothing?" she clarifies.

Beca looks up to meet Chloe's strong gaze head on, her voice filled with confidence. "Nothing, okay Chloe? This is why it has to stop. Today wasn't even supposed to happen. It was just a moment of weakness to satisfy my libido."

That did it.

The floodgates open and Chloe doesn't give a shit that Beca can see how much she's hurting. She speaks the next words carefully, although it's a miracle something other than sobs come out at all. "Is that all I am to you? Someone to satisfy your libido?"

Beca realizes her mistake and takes a step toward her, reaching her hand out. "Chloe, I-"

"Save it! I've heard enough." She lets out a strangled sob, leaving the dorm room before Beca can even say another word.

* * *

_Present_

Chloe is reading a magazine and lying on her stomach, her head at the foot of Aubrey's bed while Aubrey is at her desk, hunched over some piece of paper.

Without turning to look at Chloe, Aubrey beckons her towards the desk. "Chloe, come here and help me with the choreography for semi-finals."

"I can't," she answers, dismissing the idea entirely. "I'm too depressed."

This catches Aubrey's attention enough that she turns around and gives her full attention to Chloe. "Chloe come on, this will help get your mind off of things."

Chloe glares at her. "Will you just leave me to wallow in my misery? That'd be great, thanks." With that, she promptly goes back to finish what she was reading.

"Well if you wanted to be alone, you shouldn't be in my room."

Chloe seems to realize this at the same time and moves to get out of Aubrey's bed. "You're right. I'll just go to my room."

Aubrey sighs. "C, stop." Miraculously, Chloe actually listens to her. "I didn't mean that, just let me help you-"

"Aubrey just don't, okay?" Chloe cuts her off. "It's bad enough that I'm pitying myself, I don't need you to do it too."

"Okay." Aubrey throws her hand up to show she's surrendering. "But you still haven't told me what happened in Beca's room," she says, and lowers her hands to her sides.

Chloe sits in the middle of the bed and crosses her arms at her chest. "I don't want to talk about it."

"When you called me for coffee earlier, I was under the impression you wanted to tell me everything. Instead, I wasted an hour sitting in a café while you brooded and said nothing. You owe me for that."

"I don't owe you, anything."

Aubrey raises an eyebrow in response.

Chloe softens and concedes. "Okay fine, I do owe you some things. But an explanation is not one of them. I already told you, I don't want to talk about it."

Aubrey studies her for a minute, shrugs and gets back to work.

Chloe is appalled. She was fully expecting another rebuttal, and now Aubrey was actually retreating. Everything was just wrong.

She sighs dramatically and flops down on the bed, her face buried into the pillows. "I don't know what to do anymore!" she screams into the pillow, which just comes out muffled and indecipherable.

Aubrey slowly turns to look at her best friend on the bed. "I'm sorry what did you say? I didn't hear you," she says, confusion laced in her voice.

Chloe lifts her head from the pillow and sits up facing Aubrey. "I'm just… I'm so lost," she says, crestfallen.

Aubrey looks at her pityingly and totally abandons her work in favor of helping her roommate. She moves to sit at the foot of the bed placing a soothing hand on Chloe's knee, nodding encouragingly.

Chloe sighs and begins to retell everything that happened in Beca's bedroom (Well, not everything that happened).

Aubrey looks at her disapprovingly after it was over. "C, you know what I think about this whole thing."

"Well what do you want me to do?" Chloe challenges, her eyes ablaze with unshed tears and barely disguised anger.

Aubrey balks and removes her hand from Chloe's knee, "I'm sorry, you should be left alone." She gets up and walks away but is stopped when a hand aggressively pulls her by the arm back to the bed.

"Chloe, wha-?"

"No," Chloe insists, her eyes huge and pleading. "I need you to tell me. What do you want me to do?"

Aubrey sighs and moves to take Chloe's hands in hers. "I'm entirely sure that you're going to reject this option the minute it leaves my mouth."

"Sometimes, you're as dramatic as I am."

"Shut up, no one is as dramatic as you are."

"Whatever. Just tell me."

"I would… forget her."

"Aubrey!" Chloe chastises.

"See? I knew it."

"I can't do that, you know I can't do that."

"No, Chloe, you can. She doesn't see how amazingly perfect you are and she doesn't want to get with you? Screw her! You deserve so much better than that." She squeezes the hands in hers for emphasis.

Chloe pulls her hands away. "She doesn't know what she's doing right now. She just needs time."

"She doesn't know what she's doing with you. She doesn't need time. What she needs to do is stop hurting you. And what you need is to let go."

Chloe looks away, ashamed. "I can't."

Aubrey grabs hold of her shoulders and forces her to look at her. "Yes you can! You think you can't. But you can, Chlo. You're the one who needs time."

"No, you don't understand. I can't. I don't know what's wrong with me Aubrey but I just can't let her go. No matter how many times she's going to hurt me I don't care. I'm entirely convinced that if my feelings for her remain the same she's going to reciprocate them one day. I don't care how long it takes for that to happen but I know it's going to happen. I know I'm being slightly crazy, but this is the way things are."

Aubrey looks defeated. "And it's going to stay that way until you find someone else to pine over or she completely breaks you until nothing's left."

Chloe gazes at her confusedly.

Aubrey shares an intense look with her before saying, "Trust me. I've been there."

"What did you do?"

"I did the same thing I'm telling you right now. I moved on."

Chloe looks dejected. "I can't right now."

"It'll be really hard to do, but it won't be impossible. Will you promise me that you'll at least try?"

Chloe says, completely unconvincingly, "I promise."

But Aubrey just decides to let it go. She thinks she's been through enough today. She isn't going to start another pointless fight with her.

* * *

AN. What'd you think? Please, please, please leave a review.

Also, I hereby promise that the next chapter won't take 2 months to write.


	5. Chapter 5

AN. And it only took me one month to update. I told you guys I wouldn't take 2 months. :)

Thanks to Gwen (stuff-the-ice-chest) for beta'ing. And thanks to Erica (silybiknow) and Nicole (nic-heiser) for pre-reading and approving this.

* * *

"Chloe, stop!" her roommate calls out to her.

Chloe doesn't listen and continues to walk away angrily.

"Chloe, please, I'm just trying to help you," Aubrey pleads.

"By insulting my decision-making skills again?" Chloe scoffs. "No thanks, I don't think I need it."

"Chloe, just-" Aubrey changes her brisk walking to light jog just to keep up with the redhead who is rapidly walking out of the building. When she finally reaches her, she pulls at her arm and effectively stops her before forcing her best friend to face her. "Just listen for a second, okay?"

Chloe crosses her arms and nods, giving Aubrey permission to talk.

"Look, I know I've been hard on you these past couple of days-"

"Try brutal."

"But I'm doing this for your own good. The** only** course of action appropriate right now is dumping her ass on the sidewalk where it belongs."

"Aubrey!" Chloe scolded.

Aubrey holds her hand up to silence the girl. "She's not good for you, Chlo."

"So you keep telling me."

"You never seem to listen."

"I do!" Chloe throws her hands up in frustration. "Okay, I hear every word of what you have to say. And you have **a lot** to say. And it's not that I don't value all this advice you're trying to give me. It's just that I am a grown-ass woman, Bree. I am capable of making my own decisions."

"But-"

Chloe holds up her finger in front of Aubrey's face, effectively stopping her speech, "I don't need to hear it. I don't need you to find some other way to tell me to 'get over her' because I'm probably not going to do that any time soon."

Aubrey swats the finger away from her face and says, "She hurt you last week and since then you haven't exchanged a single word to each other. Practice is almost always awkward when you guys obviously can't keep your little situation between yourselves and have to make everyone else feel the tension."

"Hey!"

"And she hasn't even attempted to apologize to you. Not once. Not even a tiny sorry."

Chloe sighs and rubs her eyes, "I know. But I'm tired of being reminded every day. I just need some space right now."

Aubrey nods. "Okay. Be back before dinner though."

Chloe smiles sadly and half-heartedly rolls her eyes at her. "Okay, mom."

Aubrey smiles back at her then reaches out to touch her arm, squeezing it reassuringly before turning around and heading back into the apartment building.

Chloe lets out a breath before turning around and walking towards the only place she feels safe nowadays: the library.

* * *

Over the last week, Chloe has been to the library several times. Most of those times were because she couldn't handle Aubrey's disapproving stares or constant attempts to talk to her about Beca anymore.

She doesn't know how Aubrey does it, but she had found a way to know exactly when Chloe would come out of hiding so she could sit inconspicuously in the chair directly across from the redhead's room just to gaze at her questioningly when she finally notices her. It's seriously creeping Chloe out.

And if she wasn't doing that, she was freaking about semi-finals; understandably, since it is only two weeks away, but one can only tolerate so much. It had gotten to the point where she didn't feel at home in the apartment.

Speaking of which, she needs to talk to Aubrey about that issue too.

Mostly, she's been to the library to study. Midterms are coming up and she isn't about to slack off just because she feels like her entire life is just about to fall apart. She has to think about her not-so-distant future.

Today is much different though. First of all, she's not there to study. Mostly because she ran out of the apartment so fast she couldn't be bothered to pick up her books, but also because she's too wound up to study now. Right now, she needs a good book to get lost in and forget all about her worries for a few moments.

She strides up to a random bookcase and reaches out to pick a book off one of the shelves. She picks it out of the bookshelf and sees a picture of a sumo wrestler on the cover.

_SUMO (Shut Up Move On)_

Chloe closes her eyes, takes a lot of deep, calming breaths and tries really hard not to chuck the book at the opposite wall. Mostly because she's already done the whole 'throw the book away' thing and even though she loves repeating dramatic gestures, she isn't in the mood to pick up books off the ground.

Instead, she opts to look up at the huge ceiling, shakes her fist at it and shouts, "Stop fucking around, fates."

"Whoa there, you might want to be careful when cursing mythical creatures."

She turns around and her eyes widen a fraction when she sees Dr. Mitchell standing in the doorway with a slight smirk on his lips.

Chloe's cheeks turn red from the embarrassment of being caught shouting at the freaking ceiling. "I'm sorry for shouting."

He waves the apology off. "That's alright. It's good to let off some steam every now and then, especially inside an old, huge, semi-abandoned building. I don't blame you, when you keep things inside you sooner or later it'll eat you right up."

Chloe nods. "Yeah? Try telling that to your daughter," she says under her breath, bitterness oozing out of every word.

Dr. Mitchell, who was looking at a bookshelf, turns to look at Chloe again. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing just talking to myself." Chloe flashes him a bright smile.

He looks at her strangely and shrugs. Moving closer, he point to the book in her hand, "Can I take a look at what upset you so much?"

Chloe hesitantly hands over the book, not wanting to be judged for it.

Dr. Mitchell takes one look at it and nods understandingly. "Boy trouble?" he asks, his eyes glinting when he looks back up at her.

She shakes her head, "Not…necessarily."

"Oh," he says, quickly catching on. "I see. Well I've had my fair share of that throughout my years," he states, pride obvious in his tone, as he hands the book back to her.

"I bet," Chloe says, no hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His tone suggests that he's actually excited about the idea.

_Not with you_, she thinks. "I'm sorry, Dr. Mitchell. I really don't want to."

His face falls in a way that makes Chloe want to take back what she said and take him up on his offer. But before she can do that, he starts talking. "Well okay then," he says, then suddenly brightens. "Well can I give you a bit of advice then?"

Chloe's eyebrows shoot up. "What kind of advice?"

He holds up the book in response. "About this library."

Now Chloe is really intrigued. "As long as it's not about love, by all means."

Dr. Mitchell smiles at her. "I just have to say that this library is magic."

She looks at him questioningly. "Okay?" she says, drawing the word out.

His smile grows bigger and proceeds to walk to one of the bookcases to her right. "When I discovered this place, it was exactly as you see it today. It didn't need dusting or cleaning or anything. It was absolutely perfect."

Chloe tilts her head to her right. "But how is that possible? I don't think anyone's lived in here for years."

He turns to look at Chloe, shrugs and leans against the bookcase. "Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, whenever I'm in a pinch and I need a reference book for my lectures, I come here with a clear idea of what book to get but I end up with an entirely different book instead. See, I think the library hides the book from me because I can never find the book I'm looking for, even though I know it's in here somewhere. It gives me a book that makes a much better reference." He stops to lovingly stroke some of the books. "This library has helped me get though a lot of lectures."

Chloe is kind of weirded out by now so she takes a small step back. _And I thought Beca was a weirdo_, she thinks.

Dr. Mitchell walks over to what Chloe knows as 'The Shakespeare Corner'. He pulls out a random book, looks at it and then holds it up so Chloe can have a look. "See?" he asks, a huge grin on his face. "Magic."

Chloe reads the title—_Twelfth Night_—and then looks at him with her eyebrows quirked. "What's so magic about it?"

He puts his arm down before explaining. "I was going for _The Taming of the Shrew_ and was going to compare it to the 1999 modernized movie adaptation _10 Things I Hate About You_, but it would probably be better if I use _Twelfth Night_ and compare it to the 2006 movie _She's The Man_. It's more recent and I know a lot of people will have seen that movie. I mean who hasn't, right?"

Chloe is actually amazed and it's pretty obvious in her face. "That's amazing."

"I know!" he exclaims excitedly. "I'm going to get some wonderful insights from Oliva/Viola shippers."

Chloe is very confused by that statement but decides to let it go in order to ask something that's bothering her: "So what does it mean for me then?"

"Well, I'd say the library, or the universe if you will, is trying to help you," Dr. Mitchell says, and then points to the book still in Chloe's hand. "Sometimes, when we're thinking about things too much, the universe conspires to bring us whatever we need."

"I don't think I need love advice from the universe," Chloe scoffs.

"Well you'd be surprised at how wise the universe can be. You might not know, and you might not have been looking for it, but the universe thought you could use it. Listen to the universe. It's probably trying to tell you something," Dr. Mitchell says.

Chloe considers it for a moment before saying, "Thank you, but I think I'll pass."

He shrugs. "That's entirely up to you," he says before looking at his watch and making his way towards the door. "I'd love to continue this talk but I should be going, I have to start preparing for this lecture," he calls out, waving his hand at her.

She chuckles at him and waves back. "Thanks for this, Dr. Mitchell."

He nods at her and smiles warmly. "Anytime."

And then he's out the door.

Chloe looks at the book in her hand again. If this is a sign, the universe really needs to work on its subtlety.

She considers actually reading it, since this library did help Dr. Mitchell out a lot and maybe it could help her. Not that she was thinking about moving on—no definitely not that. Besides, there is nothing to move on **from**.

_That's a pretty depressing thought_. Chloe sighs and puts the book back where she found it. She really, really doesn't need some self-help book teaching her about the wonders of loving herself instead. She's already heard enough lectures from Aubrey, thank you very much.

She resigns herself to a day of studying and tries to find a book to read, quickly locating an Experimental Psychology book. She takes a look and she sees that it's not the same book that their professor issued them at the beginning of the term, but it'll do.

She sits at a nearby table and opens the book which, she notes, looks almost new even though she's almost positive that it's ancient.

She shakes her head and starts studying. At least this way she'll have done something productive.

* * *

Chloe hears the front door open and she looks up from the book. It's been 10 minutes since Dr. Mitchell left. _Maybe he forgot something?_ she thinks.

Chloe's about to get up from her chair and go greet him when she hears someone shout a "Hello?" She freezes; it was definitely not Dr. Mitchell. The voice belonged to someone short, stubborn and... _alternative_.

Beca.

A voice, loud and clear, rings in her ears again. "Is anyone here?"

She starts break out in cold sweat, sits down and starts trying to calm her racing heart. She is so not prepared to face the brunette today.

Beca pokes her head in the library. She looks mildly annoyed at first but when she catches a glimpse of red hair, her expression softens and she straightens her posture. "Oh, um, hi Chloe," she says, her voice small.

Chloe just nods at her and looks down, trying to at least look like she was studying.

Beca fidgets with her hands, a nervous tick that Chloe noticed at the a capella auditions, "I'm looking for my dad?"

When Chloe's heart manages to stop trying to get out of her chest, she clears her throat, looks up at her and says, "He's not here," and then mentally gives herself a pat on the back for her voice not cracking at all.

"Oh," Beca says awkwardly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

Chloe takes a little pity on her and asks, "I thought you didn't know where this place was?" in a seemingly accusatory tone.

Beca holds up a finger, fishes out her phone from her pocket and fiddles with it and steps closer to where Chloe is seated on the table. "He sent me this," Beca says, and holds up the phone enough for Chloe to see a crudely-drawn map of what she assumes to be Barden, but doesn't look like Barden at all. It's just a map of random rectangles and squares with an X on, again, what she assumes to be the library in the secluded part of the picture. "It took me awhile to find because he didn't even label the buildings or anything. It's just really vague." She frowns.

The picture makes Chloe smile; Dr. Mitchell is on his way to being her favorite adult (well, right after her mom and dad, of course).

She realizes that she's still smiling when she feels Beca's quizzical stare on her, so she leans back and drops her smile. "Well, he left 30 minutes ago."

Beca sighs and pockets her phone. She keeps her hands in her pockets and stands rather awkwardly again.

Chloe, out of pure curiosity, asks her, "Did you need to see him for anything?"

"Not really. He texted me yesterday and sent the picture saying I should be here at 9:00 AM."

Chloe glances at her watch. "It's 10," she announces in a slightly condescending voice.

Beca chuckles awkwardly, rubbing her neck. "Well, I wouldn't have been late if he had just drawn a proper map in the first place. This is really all his fault. I mean, even **you** didn't get it right? And you've been here for four years."

A small smile spreads itself on Chloe's face. "I suppose you're right."

Beca smiles at her and looks up, looking pained. The tension in the air is so thick it can be cut with a knife, and end up with enough slices to give to each of the Bellas. It's such a far cry from the sexual tension that used to suffocate them until they couldn't take it anymore. Still, Chloe does absolutely nothing to relieve it.

After the longest 5 minutes of Chloe's life, Beca clears her throat and points to the doorway. "I should probably go."

"Probably," Chloe says flatly.

Beca nods and starts walking backwards slowly, almost like she's waiting for Chloe to stop her from going. When it's obvious that Chloe isn't going to Beca turns around and swiftly makes her exit.

Chloe breathes out a sigh of relief. But before she can fully relax, the footsteps that she thought were going out of the door are approaching her again. In no time at all, Beca is back and standing right in front of her.

"Beca, what-"

"I'm sorry!" she blurts out.

Chloe breath hitches. "I-um, what?"

Beca laughs shakily. "God, I really should have thought this through."

Chloe opens her mouth to say something but is cut off by Beca holding up her hand. "I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not good at conversations—especially not with the ones that require emotions. In high school, I used to tell my friends important emotional things by throwing together a mix or a playlist and giving it to them. But now that I've started it's going to be hard to stop so you need to let me get air everything out."

Beca closes her eyes and tries to catch her breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I'm sorry for saying those things. I'm sorry for giving in to your seductive womanly wiles. I'm sorry for not saying this earlier. I just-" Beca pauses. "I'm sorry," her voice cracks, her eyes watery, like she's about to cry.

Chloe winces at the sight. "I honestly don't know what to say."

"Say you'll forgive me," she pleads.

"I-"

"I didn't mean them. It's just that I was caught in the moment and I panicked because we weren't supposed to be having sex anymore and I didn't want you to hope that it was going to go back to the way things were. Because they're not. Granted, I could have phrased it better but I'm an idiot when it comes to these things," she says in one breath, not even daring to stop until she was done.

Chloe stares at her. "Did you practice that speech in front of the mirror?"

Beca laughs and runs her hand in her hair. "A couple of times. But only when Kimmy Jin was out of the room."

"Good, she would've thought you were crazy."

Beca rolls her eyes. "Too late for that."

Chloe shoots her a smile and waits a beat before asking, "So this is it?"

Beca nods. "I'm sorry. We just don't work as fuck buddies."

"Well, do you think we could work as…a couple?" she asks, tentatively.

"Chloe…" Beca's tone says everything.

Chloe's shoulders sag and tears are building up behind her eyes. "And there's no way I can make you see that's not true?"

Beca smiles sadly and shakes her head.

"God," Chloe curses, wiping away a stray tear on her cheek. "Can you please not make me cry every time we meet?"

"God's not here, but okay."

Chloe resists the urge to punch her in her smug face. "I hate you."

"I know," Beca says, offering Chloe a tissue she finds in her bag. Chloe grabs it and dabs at her eyes. "But maybe we could work as, I don't know, friends?"

She should say no, should say she can't, that the wound is too fresh and she needs some time to get over it. But there's hopefulness in Beca's face that Chloe can't ever say no to. As much as she hates feeling this way, she can't ever deny her. Not when she knows it could make her immensely happy.

"Sure," Chloe chokes out. _I'm going to regret this._

But the way that single word lit up Beca Mitchell's entire face almost makes it seem worth it.

_Almost._

"So do you want to get out of here?" Beca asks. "Maybe get some coffee?"

Chloe bites her lip. "I would love to. But…not right now."

Beca nods understandingly. "Okay. I'll just go." She gives her a once over before saying, "Call me, okay?"

_I'm going to miss the days when that meant she's expecting a booty call_. "Okay."

Beca gives her a small smile before leaving the library.

Chloe waits until she's absolutely sure that Beca is gone before the floodgates open and every single emotion she's felt up until that moment comes out in the form of waterfalls streaming down her face.

* * *

AN. Please, please, please review :) Also for some reason, I think Chloe needs to affectionately name the library so if you could leave some suggestions for it I'll love you forever.


End file.
